Abhijeet

A Proposal

2026-07-21T00:00:00+00:00

It’s 3:30 AM and I am still Awake.

Yeah, I did try to sleep but my thoughts for you didn’t let my eyes shut. I altered the sleeping position, drank water,read books, listened to songs but all in vain. I couldn’t hypnotise myself to sleep. Frustrated, I thought to spill ink on the paper.

I started to chat with you on May 27th, this year. Never ever I thought, I would fall for you. With each falling day, I went closer to you. And eventually some day, I think I would be within you, into your heart, collecting those shattered pieces and cementing them together with love . Let us build a home with no walls;no borders, only me and you lying among the flowers of ecstasy, assurance, veracity, on the garden of adulation.

A day might come when we end up in a prison ;dark, fabricated with walls of insecurities under rooftop of trust issues. We’ll hit together those walls, break the layer of insecurity and a ray of hope will again brighten us. We’ll keep on pushing together holding hands until we make a new door, the door leading to the garden of adulation.

However, let me tell you, It wasn’t the colour of your skin which attracted me, neither it were your eyes nor your befitting smile. It was all you alluring me like the gravity of the earth beckons particles towards it without the influence of any extra force.

Don’t worry, I haven’t got the escape velocity to get away from you. I will remain glued to you as the water of the ocean, though sometimes the moon may tend to pull me towards her.

Once you said to me, “How will you write a love letter with such dumb handwriting ?”

मोहब्बत मे आँखें बात करती हे, ये तो बस कागज़ों पर लिखे कुछ अल्फाज़ है

I had a crush.

2026-07-21T00:00:00+00:00

I had a crush. Yes, I used Stare her ,of course, the positive one, sitting on the last bench of the class.

She used to talk to her boyfriend each day, each hour, each second. They would be laughing, smiling, talking, gossiping , just as normal couples. And I, I used to sit at the last benches, turning my head towards her Aura, and could only feel as I saw her blushing and smiling . I obtained the same pleasure in contrast to the person obtaining pleasure on their first kiss.

I was never jealous of her boyfriend. Never did I care for him. I was always busy, adoring her, loving her with feelings of my heart. I was that busy appreciating her beauty, I sometimes missed lectures in the classes. And why not, she had those pair of eyes, bright, shining and could hypnotize from a far.

I wrote poems, stories, used Metaphors, personification and lots of figures of speech, just to impress her.

It was like, if I write poems, stories, and blah blah, she would be flattered after seeing those. And one day, she’ll approach me and say, “Ooh My dear Mishra, You write so good. You’re magical. And I wanted to say, I love you Mishra”. Ooh Fcuk. That seems to be so fascinating although too far away from reality. The duffer me, the loser me. If I ever meet the past versions of myself, I would love to punch him on the face and shout, “Fcuk you, loser!!”

ALAS, THINGS CAN’T BE CHANGED.

And one fine day, I went close to her and said, “I love you”. Yeah, neither did I say it in sweet tone nor did I kneel one leg with a flower. It was inside the campus after the classes were over.

Are you kidding me?

No. I just love you. That’s what I wanted to say.

“What!! You know, I’ve a boyfriend ”, replied she.

“I know, Still wanted to express and so did it”, said me. And I rode the bicycle and went to my lodge.

My heart ached a bit but later on, I was relaxed. It felt as a lot of burden was evacuated from me. I was feeling good.

But still, It wasn’t like I left checking her.

I even got her number from my friend. I texted her on WhatsApp. I was blocked. I texted her on messenger, pleading to block me. The immature me and there were many such long ass stories Now when I remember those moments, I feel how fucked was I. If today that would be the case, I would have myself blocked her, before she could have done it.

Anyway, this happened at regular intervals, quite frequent. The block and me pleading to unblock.

Irritated with myself, I blocked her. And I was happy.

At the present time, she’s in my WhatsApp. Unblocked.

Not my girlfriend, though just as a friend. Neither she feels anything for me nor I do feel. And I’m glad but at the same time I miss my writings. Actually, I want to write Romance but I’m pretty fucked cause I don’t know what to write. This piece of writing was from a past post which I had posted on Quora, just made little changes and it’s good to go.

— अभिजीत मिश्रा

Men Are Potential Rapists

2026-07-21T00:00:00+00:00

I’ve seen men getting offended by these words when men are tagged as potential rapists. There’s an Argument from their side citing, “NOT ALL MEN”

Not to blame them or the men community but I myself was a part of that group that posed that argument.

But from the past couple of years, readings and discussion has changed by POV. Talking to victims, reading their perspective, opinions etc etc made me realise that my POV was certainly not the correct way at the present moment and needs improvement.

Now when Feminists say, All Men are Potential Rapists, they’re not wrong.

A male walking alone at night at the darkest hour will feel the fear of theft, loot, murder or any kind of physical damage. They’ll not fear some woman behind the trees or a bike coming and trying to grab his body. But for a female, more than the case of Robbery and Theft, they’ll fear a man. Their heartbeat and the level of nervousness will increase as a ‘man’ approaches her. No matter if the man is a gentleman, she’ll still fear that man. And that makes man a potential rapist.

For man, our parents will not stop us roaming at midnight and not many questions will be asked. They’ll not cite the reason “Be careful, rapes are happening around”. But for a female, “rape” will be the one of the reason parents may stop the female to travel at mid night.

There are various such analogies but these are enough to prove the statement of MEN BEING A POTENTIAL RAPISTS.

PS: POV stands for Point of View

I Feel.

2026-07-21T00:00:00+00:00

I feel like, feel like, swirling my finger on your foot, dragging it through the thigh, slowly rubbing the hips, continuing, touching the back, feeling the texture and gently caressing the hairs while you lay down on your chest.

In death lies liberation

2026-07-21T00:00:00+00:00

I sometimes fear death What emotions will I display when I'll be breathing my last How will my loved one's react when I die But death has been the only truth of life People can be certain about birth, that can be prevented But death, you try hard, but you can't escape As a matter of history, I accepted my death They don't haunt me. I can't escape death I'll be dying in some time But in those ending hours, I want to lay beside you Kiss you as I had my first with you I would hope, I could spent a minute more with you, And if not, rest myself on your thighs and keep uttering, was my life worth living? Maybe it wasn't, I could have breathed better But I don't regret a day spending with you. It would feel like I'm exaggerating my feelings for you, Maybe, it's true I don't know But what I know is, I've always loved to be with you And the seperation has caused me pain Amidst those separation, I've felt you, Remembered you at midnight while I was drunk Called you multiple times, But you were asleep, I guess. And as I lay down on the terrace, I remind myself of my death, And now they scare me, they haunt me As I see myself seperated from you. -Abhi

जरुरत हो तुम۔۔।

2026-07-21T00:00:00+00:00

कुछ वक़्त की तरह हो तुम कभी मेरे लिए अच्छी कभी बुरी हो तुम उस गरजते मेघ की तरह हो तुम पानी को तरस रहे उस पौधे के लिए पानी की बूंद हो तुम। उस मरूस्थल के मिराज सी हो तुम पास मेरे फिर भी दूर हो तुम। सवाल अब भी ये रहा तुझसे आखिर कौन हो तुम? सौरमंडल के उस सूर्य सा प्रकाश हो तुम चांद भी जिसे देखकर शर्मा जाए वो हुस्न-ए-मल्लिका हो तुम जवाब अब भी ना मिला हमें तुम्हारा पर जानता हूं आज भी मैं जो भी हो, जैसी भी हो कुछ उस वक़्त की तरह खास हो मूल्यवान हो जरुरत हो तुम।।। 🖊️ अभिजीत मिश्रा।।

Kerala Chapter 1: Arrival, Architecture, and Ankle Injuries

2026-02-04T00:00:00+00:00

The tour to Kerala began when I applied to CDS Trivandrum. My paper got accepted, and finally, I had the chance to visit Kerala. I had previously asked Subhabarata to plan a trip, but it failed every time. So I grabbed this opportunity with both hands.

To add to my happiness, CDS was sponsoring our accommodation during the conference period and also covering the travel costs for 3AC. I also got to know that Kirti Ranjan’s paper had been selected. So now I had a friend with whom I would be touring Kerala. I expressed my desire to travel around the state, and she agreed. She booked her onward and return tickets, and I booked mine on the same train. However, she was in 2AC and I was in 3AC.

I was extremely excited about the trip. I planned to go for 5–10 km runs from CDS to the beach and was hoping to get fitter by the time I visited Trivandrum. I even imagined taking a shirtless picture at the beach. But life had other plans.

One day, while playing basketball, I injured my knee. The socket twisted. It wasn’t a fracture, but it was serious enough to stop me from engaging in physical activities. I hoped I would recover by 2nd February 2026. But hope can be an illusion. Ten days later, I injured the same knee again. I couldn’t keep myself away from badminton, so I thought of playing a simple rally. I jumped slightly and met the same fate. My legs couldn’t handle the impact. I cursed myself for the decision to play at that moment. This time, I decided to rest for 2–3 months until my legs were completely fine. So my running plans were over. I was hoping I would at least be able to walk comfortably.

As if this wasn’t enough, Kirti informed me that she would be coming by flight. I felt betrayed. I had booked my ticket for 7 AM from Panvel, and to reach Panvel, I had to catch a Goregaon local at 5:30 AM to be safe. Ugh.

Fast forward to the day before boarding the train, I ironed my clothes and packed my bags. All the essentials went into the laptop bag, and clothes and other items into another bag. I had my camera ready and asked my roommate, Avanish, to accompany me. I tried to sleep by 11 PM, checked my list once more, and finally slept.

The next day, I woke up sharply at 4 AM, freshened up, and woke Avanish. We booked an auto and reached Goregaon well before time. From there, we boarded the train to Panvel. Avanish accompanied me until Vadala and helped me carry my bag. After one and a half hours, I reached Panvel 30 minutes before departure.

The journey finally began after boarding the train. It was going to be a 29-hour journey, and I was allotted the upper berth. I had difficulty climbing up and down multiple times, which was uncomfortable for my legs.

The next day, Kirti informed me that her departure time had changed and that she would arrive by 11 PM on 4th February. I reached CDS by 1:30 PM on 4th February and took a round of the campus. The campus was very small, maybe just around 10 acres. “Bhai, ye to shuru hote hi khatam ho gaya.” But the architecture was impressive. There were small ponds near the main building to help cool it naturally. The architecture was by Laurie Baker and is famously known for cost-effective buildings that employ sustainable techniques.

The first thing I did after reaching CDS was freshen up in the allotted room. The second was to have lunch. It cost me ₹55, and honestly, the food was horrible. Maybe I don’t have a taste for South Indian food, but personally, I didn’t like it. And I guess it was the same for everyone.

After lunch, I called Datta, who is a partial alumnus of CDS. He had joined for a PhD but left after getting admission to JNU. He shared some of his experiences and suggested two places: Palace Restaurant and 5 Star Restaurant. I visited 5 Star after lunch because I was craving tea. I ordered a glass of tea, and what was delivered was literally a glass of tea. It tasted more like tea-flavored milk. They have a different preparation method, and personally, I didn’t like it. But the addiction to tea is real. So for the next few days in Kerala, despite not liking the taste much, I kept drinking it. However, I would suggest trying lemon tea, that tasted much better. I ended up drinking lemon tea more often than milk tea.

Somehow, I managed to get through the evening. Dinner was okay-ish, not great, but enough to fill the stomach. Again, don’t have high expectations for food at CDS.

Later, Kirti arrived on campus around 11 PM. Jithin, one of the campus PhD students and a friend of Kirti, had already packed butter chicken and parotta for her. The combo tasted amazing. I try to avoid oily food and maida these days, but I liked it so much that I ended up having a piece of parotta with butter chicken. It was from Palace Restaurant, just 50 meters from the CDS gate. Again, highly recommended if you’re there for a conference.

We walked around the campus for a while. Since I had to present the next day, I reviewed my presentation once and then went to sleep.

For the next day and other experiences, I’ll write another blog.